Expectations: Necessary Angst

There's just something about a man who's seven months pregnant and wearing a pair of custom made overalls and a white t-shirt with a nursing bra underneath.

Lex wasn't quite sure exactly what that was, but he found himself still thinking it was kind of sexy, in a totally inappropriate and psychologically scarring kind of way.

They were finally getting out of Metropolis, thank god. Lex wasn't sure if he could deal with another meeting with his father, the stares of those who wanted to see Lex Luthor's Pregnant Male Lover, or Lois Lane and her endless questions.

Communing with corn at his castle seemed just the thing.

Of course, there was his Pregnant Male Lover's father to be dealt with, but at this point, with Clark at least wearing something in the pants family, Lex was willing to take on the challenge.

Clark looked up from where he was changing Lexine's diaper and smiled at Lex, reminding him yet again that weird this may be; this was still his family.

"Ready to go, Clark?"

"Just a second," Clark muttered, taping the diaper up and pulling Lexine's little black unitard up and snapping the little snaps. Pulling her little hat over her fine red hair, Clark picked his daughter up and looked around the room. "I think we have everything."

"Clark, we're only going to be three hours away by car, forty-five minutes by helicopter."

"Right," Clark said, nodding. Still holding Lexine, Clark handed the pink diaper bag to Lex and started down the hallway.

Pulling the bag over his shoulder, Lex followed Clark, smiling at Lexine who was watching him sleepily over Clark's shoulder, his mind humming with the sound of Clark's flip flops as he walked.

Once the triplets were born, he was going to burn every damn one of those rubber horrors.

The staff had already loaded their bags, and Herve was helping Clark get Lexine into her car seat as Lex finished signing another contract that his personal assistant was shoving in his face. Finally the staff went back upstairs, leaving Lex to look at his family in their new... car.

Lex had locked himself in the bathroom and cried when Clark had told him that they needed a new car, handing him a print out from the manufacturer's website, telling Lex he had already ordered it.

A purple... minivan.

Lex Luthor was not supposed to know about minivans, damn it.

Minivans were not sexy. The thing cornered like an elephant. It was purple, which while appropriate, did not make up for the fact that the lumbering behemoth completely lacked... The Sexy.

The Porsches had The Sexy.

The Ferraris had more of The Sexy.

The Lamborghini was a fucking whore with The Sexy; it all but fellated him as he drove.

The minivan... was safe. It had passed all its tests. Every soccer mom in America and Canada loved it. It was big enough and roomy enough that Clark, in his current condition, could get in, which was the main reason they used it.

Lex Luthor was used to driving wet dreams.

This was his nightmare.

His big, purple, nightmare.

Climbing into the driver's seat, Lex looked back to see Clark trying to fasten his seatbelt. Getting out, he opened the side door and belted Clark in, giving him a quick kiss as Clark was always embarrassed now about his size and his inability to see anything below his breasts. Double-checking to make sure Lexine was safely ensconced in her babyseat, Lex closed the door and climbed back in.

The gauges and dials were a cheerful mess of binging colors and noises.

It was all taunting him.

One last indignity awaited Lex before he could pull out. Without a word, he put the Barney DVD in the player. Lexine was too young, but Clark wanted her to be stimulated as much as possible. Lex had started to wonder about the residents of the planet Krypton as Clark became more and more enthralled by the long passé children's icon. Clark happily donned the headphones as Lex pulled out of the parking garage.

Maybe there was some kind of cultural memory that attracted Clark to this strange thing. Or maybe getting pregnant again had completely driven Clark around the bend. Lexine always seemed to be amused by her father's actions, and Lex could have sworn that sometimes her little head rocked to the songs. Well, she was a Luthor; such advanced intelligence was to be expected.

As he carefully merged onto the highway to Smallville, Lex shuddered as Clark began to sing along with the dinosaur. It was going to be a long day.