Expectations: Spring Showers

Invariably, Lex woke the same way every morning.

Clark's bladder and kidneys had apparently undergone some crazed transformation when he got pregnant, making them sensitive to little things like movement and airflow. A stray breeze through the castle? Clark was on his way to the bathroom. Turn a light on in a room across the courtyard? Clark was on his way to the bathroom. Lex still had nightmares about the gardeners and their leaf blowers.

4:56:03 am every damn morning, Clark rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. And it cannot be underestimated how much of an impact that makes on the other person in the bed, who at this point is outweighed by over a hundred pounds.

4:56:22 am every damn morning, propelled by the motion of Clark's body, Lex rolled into the warm furrow left by his lover's body. Not that this was bad; it just woke him up a half an hour before he wanted to wake up.

Somewhere, on a transcendental, metaphysical plane between the dead and the living, Jor-El and Jonathan Kent were getting together and laughing their asses off in revenge.

Bastards.

Then, because her sense of timing was dead-on, Lexine would start crying as her fathers were trying to get in a good morning cuddle, usually around the time there was some serious tonsil exploration going on. But when her majesty called, her daddies listened, and a cuddling of a different sort became the morning's theme.

There was the whole nursing thing, but really, it grew on a guy. Once you got past the whole lactating boyfriend hang ups, it wasn't as completely insane as it sounded. Well, it was, but it just another thing that made Smallville, Smallville. Unlike the two am feedings which were Lex's responsibility, the five am was Clark's time to play moo-cow. Which was a surprisingly sexy thing that Lex really didn't want to examine too much. A man's psyche can only take so much in one lifetime.

So every morning they had moo-cow time. Yes, that's what Clark called it. Lex was fluent in German, Spanish, French, and Russian; Clark spoke public school Spanish and baby talk. Lex had a feeling in another month that they'd be getting quite the immersion experience.

In baby talk -- not Spanish.

When the ritual repeated itself on this particular Saturday morning, Lex was looking forward to going back to sleep until noon, just because it was Saturday and he felt he had earned it. He managed to sleep until nine am, when Clark shook him and he woke to Lexine's green eyes calmly assessing him.

"Lex, wake up." Huh -- no, wait. That wasn't Lexine -- that was Clark. Okay. Whew. Speech with good diction at eight months would be good; she was a Luthor, after all, but a deep voice, not so good. The poor kid was going to have enough troubles in kindergarten, all things considered. Luckily, Lex was rich enough to order a hit on any toddler who would get in her way.

"Why?" Lex asked, turning on his stomach and burying his head in his pillow.

"We need to get ready for the shower."

"Oh, god," Lex muttered into his pillow.

The baby shower.

When Martha had brought the idea up way back in the early days of the pregnancy, Lex and Clark had nodded and said 'what a good idea, when we're back in Smallville'. They should have remembered that this was Martha, who lived up to every responsibility she had ever taken on, whether it be feeding the elderly at Mobile Meals, or throwing her son a baby shower as he got ready to give birth to triplets.

Lana had been helping Martha organize the shower, helping chef plan the menu and the like. Of course it wasn't like Lex and Clark needed things, but there was a big part of 'showing how accepting we all are, even this is weird, even for Smallville'. And since Clark needed positive reinforcement, and Lex wasn't going to say nay to some either, the party was on.

A few hours later, Lex sat at the head of the table in the smaller dining room. Clark at the other end, and between them sat Whitney and Lana with their two kids, Laura and Lewis; Pete and Chloe; Clark's parents; Lois and Jimmy; Lionel ... and Toby.

Toby was a late addition to the party, turning up just after the rest of the guests had arrived with a private request for Lex. He had parked his backpack in one of the bedrooms and had come down in one of his best tie-dyed Deadhead shirts.

Brunch had started out well, the food, plentiful and organic, the company old friends and family. No one had said a word when Clark put caviar on his pear terrine, the little oily gray eggs shining atop the jellied light green slab. Toby, after a considering look, had followed suit; after a taste, he had simply shrugged and kept eating while Lex made a mental note to have his room aired out when he left. As the rest of the guests started to eat more slowly, avoiding looking down at Clark's plate, Lex decided he'd tell the staff to pack the food for everyone to take some home. Nothing says 'Luthor' like a doggie bag.

Both their families were behaving well, thankfully; there had been a few nasty glares, but Jonathan and Lionel hadn't attacked each other with their shrimp forks or butter knives. Martha had given him an amused glance when Clark had left the room and Jonathan had sighed rather loudly, but Lana had jumped in with a question about the farm, distracting him easily. Lionel had looked like he was taking mental notes for science class, prompting Lex to think it might be time to update his threats about trying to experiment on Clark.

Clark had returned a few minutes later, looking calm and relaxed, the flip-flops snucker-clucking as he walked, the upside-down purple triangle the only thing visible of his Tinky-Winky t-shirt he wore underneath the overalls. At least Clark hadn't gotten into the habit of carrying a purse around to emulate his newest children's TV hero. Though, Lex thought, the Burberry diaper bag he had bought Clark when he found out that Lionel was buying the baby carriages came damn close.

The idle chit-chat and eating distracted Lex from thoughts of his boyfriend's handbag, and the rest of the meal went quickly. When brunch had been cleared away and the party moved into the war room, Lewis and Laura taken down to the playroom under the supervision of one of the maids, the presents came out. Lois handed Clark a slim envelope and he tore it open.

"A subscription to the Daily Planet?"

"You can't spend all of your time reading them fairy tales, Clark." Lois looked over at Lex, who was holding Lexine, having gotten her away from her grandparents for a bit. "Or Machiavelli, for that matter."

Clark grinned and leaned over, kissing her cheek. "I'm sure the babies will be grateful for the current events knowledge, thank you."

Lois look satisfied and leaned back, trying not to look too obvious about touching Jimmy Olson. Lex filed that knowledge away under 'Lane, Lois: cradle robbing', and turned back to see Clark opening a box from Jimmy.

Inside was a picture of Lexine in her baptismal gown. Her little face was peeking out from the yards of lace and linen, her green eyes open with a curious expression lurking in the emerald depths. Clark snuffled as he showed the picture around and reached for Lexine. Lex gave up his daughter to her father, who held onto her, balancing her atop the mound of her brothers and sister-to be. "It's great, Jimmy," Clark said, his voice cracking as Lex put an arm around him.

"It's wonderful, Jimmy," Martha added as she looked at the silver framed picture.

"Thanks, Mrs. K, I have a print for you, too. And Mr. Luthor." Jimmy shot a quick glance at Lionel who looked taken aback for a minute, then inclined his head in a shaggy, yet elegant, thanks.

Lex took the baby back as Clark picked up another box, this time from Chloe. It was a solid weight, and Clark looked up at her, sitting with Pete, before starting in on the ribbon. Chloe had gone to California after graduation, going to school out there and cutting her teeth on the papers out there. Sixteen months ago, when the National Enquirer had bought the Los Angeles Times, Chloe had decided that she needed a break. Returning to Smallville to see her parents, she had run into Clark, who was late in his first trimester, at the Talon. Over Clark's fruit juice and Chloe's coffee, they had compared notes.

This Chloe was older and maybe wiser... tired, ten years from the bucolic burg of weirdness, and seemingly now wanting to come back. It had taken Clark another month and the beginning of the belly that would grow into Lexine to realize that he couldn't work at the Daily Planet anymore. There was pushing fate, but somehow, working in a newspaper copy room was just pushing it to the point of absurdity.

Two weeks later Chloe Sullivan took over Clark Kent's job at the Daily Planet, while Clark went home to prepare for his baby.

Three weeks later, Pete Ross returned to Metropolis from the Boston law firm where he had been working since graduating from law school. It had been after a dinner at the penthouse that he and Chloe started to become closer. They had moved in together two months ago, and from all appearances, were happy.

Lex caught Clark looking at Lois and Jimmy, then Chloe and Pete under his lashes. He never would have expected his six foot, three inch pregnant boyfriend to be such matchmaking yenta. Looking over at Toby and his father, who sat on the in the two leather chairs that finished off this particular seating group, Lex pondered for a second, then shuddered at the thought.

Clark finally finished unwrapping Chloe's present, the yards of tape sticking in on itself in a ball at his feet. Opening the box, he took out a leather-bound scrapbook. He gave Chloe a questioning look, then opened to the first page. The inscription read: 'Dear Babies, thought you might like to see what your daddies looked like when they were young. Love, Aunt Chloe'.

Inside were pictures of Clark and Lex, most taken his junior and senior year in high school. Looking with Clark as he paged through, Lex wondered exactly how anyone could have missed the looks that they had been sending each other, even way back then.

"Chloe, wow. This brings back a lot of things," Clark said, and Lex nodded in agreement.

"I just was going through a bunch of disks and found all those pictures, and thought this was the perfect time to give them to you."

"It's perfect, thanks." Clark handed the book to Lois, who started it on its journey of being passed around and fawned over.

Next in the stack of gifts was a box from Pete. Lex gave Clark the box, and he opened it, grateful that Chloe hadn't wrapped this one, for the amount of tape was manageable. Opening the box, Clark pulled out a smaller box. This one had a book, a little brown bottle, and what looked to be a small wind chime. The label on the box said: 'Homeopathic soothers for the Earthmother-to-be.' The word 'Earthmother' had been crossed out and 'Kryptonianfather' had been written over it in magic marker. Clark raised an eyebrow in Pete's direction.

"Barbie said it really worked when she had her baby last fall," Pete explained, referring to his older sister. "You're supposed to put the rose oil on a cloth, or on your pillowcase when you're having contractions and it will help. Barbie swears by it, " he repeated as everyone looked at him.

"Barbie's right on, man," Toby chimed in.

Pete looked less than thrilled at having Toby in his corner, but nodded anyway. Chloe gave his knee a squeeze and he smiled at her.

"I'm sure it will be comforting to Clark, Pete." Lex put the box on top of the other open ones, thinking he could do a little research later.

Coffee was being passed around with a plate of petite fours when Clark opened the next box. This one was from Lana and Whitney, and contained four little Metropolis Sharks onesies. The little blue and dark gray outfits had soft, detachable hoods shaped like little football helmets. On the bottom of the box there were three little purple afghans, obviously handmade like the one Lana had knitted for Lexine.

"These will look cute on them," Clark told the Fordmans, holding up one of the little uniforms.

"Well, we thought since you were having your own team, it was appropriate," Whitney teased.

"And the purple for the blankets," Lana added, "so, you know... the babies won't have any preconceived ideas about gender."

Lionel snorted and Jonathan stared at him until he looked away, taking a cup of coffee off the tray that George the butler was holding out.

Clark looked up from where he was liberating a few petite fours and grinned. "I'm sure we don't want them to have that. They'll look adorable, I'm sure."

Lex grinned into Lexine's red curls, taking the better part of valor, at least for now. A certain smell was wafting from Lexine, so he excused himself and headed upstairs to change Lexine. He had just unsnapped her from her outfit when Clark entered the room, his flip-flops snucker-clucking softly on the thick carpets.

"You didn't have to come up. I can do this, you know."

"Yeah, I just needed a break, it just feels like a lot of people. Besides, I didn't want to open the parents' presents alone," Clark confessed.

Lex made a face as he undid the dirty diaper, but efficiently removed it and cleaned up Lexine's little bum. Clark came to watch, an amused expression on his face as he watched the Vice-President of LuthorCorp change a dirty diaper.

Lex stilled as Clark came up behind him, trying, as best he could, to hold his body to Lex's. The babies were making it difficult, but Lex could still lean back enough to allow Clark access to his neck. He sighed as long arms wrapped around him.

"You're sexy when you do that, you know that, don't you?" Clark asked, a laugh in his voice as he nuzzled as Lex's ear.

Lex snickered and pulled out a clean diaper, letting it fall from his fingers when Clark nipped at the nape of his neck.

"It's true, you know?"

"What is?" Lex asked trying to remember how the little pink tapes worked on the diaper.

Clark pushed forward and Lex had to brace himself against the changing table so as not to be pushed face first into the thankfully clean diaper, not to mention mushing Lexine. He moaned a bit as Clark bit his earlobe.

"Clark?"

A quick brush of tongue along the shell of his ear and a soft laugh before Clark answered.

"Your scalp really is as silky smooth as a baby's bottom," he said, licking along the smooth skin of Lex's scalp.

"Clark!" Lex choked out.

"I'm serious," Clark protested.

Lex sighed in frustration as Lexine muttered softly and started to crawl on the changing table. "Don't tempt me, Clark. We have about another five minutes before your mother leads the charge in here to retrieve her grandbaby," Lex said lightly, grabbing Lexine before she got any farther.

Clark snorted, and with one last kiss to the soft skin of Lex's neck, waddled noisily over to the rocking chair.

Lex finished with the tapes and sealed Lexine back up in her pink onesie and carried her over to Clark, who took her. "Are you hungry, muchkin?"

Lexine just looked bored, but Clark apparently decided on an affirmative, and started to move his clothes around.

"What?" He asked, looked up at Lex's thoughtful expression.

"Just thinking of the whole shock value of having you do that in front of my father."

"Lex..."

"I know, love, I know," Lex said, kissing Clark's dark hair. He watched as Lexine was nursed and burped. Deciding that it would be better to leave her upstairs for a nap, Lex called for the nanny to come and watch over her.

Mrs. Vandergrift was a matronly woman whose last job should have been warden of a womens' prison in a really bad porno, but instead had been working for one of the DuPonts. She assured them that Lexine would be fine, and with a final kiss each to her fine auburn curls, they returned to the war room.

Jonathan and Lionel were over near the fencing gear when they arrived, but everyone else was still seated and snacking. Clark sat down with a sigh of relief. "What did we miss?" He asked the group at large.

"We were just talking about when we had the house childproofed," Lana told him.

"Childproofed?" Lex asked.

"You know," Whitney said, "making sure the poison stuff isn't on the lower shelves, putting safety hinges on the toilets, moving sharp objects away from the reach of little hands."

Lex looked at him blankly. Then looked around the room. The maces, swords, and battle axes. The canon in the corner. The fireplace. The fencing gear. "Clark?"

"We'll call someone tomorrow," Clark said, his face growing pale under his tan.

"I'll give you the number of the agency we used," Lana said reassuringly, her eyes large and caring in the face of their panic.

Clark just looked around the room again, his green eyes huge with the horrifying possibilities.

Looking over to the other side of the room, Lex noticed that three large plastic giftbag wrapped lumps were sitting next to the table. Looking over to where Jonathan and Lionel were standing, Lex sighed and decided that getting this over with was more important than avoiding their fathers.

Leaving Clark to Lana and Whitney's reassurances that indeed, they could make their home into something other than a death trap for their children, Lex went over to pull the elder Kent and Luthor away from the sharp objects. He was already wishing that someone would've told him about this whole childproofing thing before their fathers had ended up in the same room together.

"Dad? Jonathan?"

"Well, how was Lex supposed to know you didn't have your son the alien stud spayed before you unleashed him onto an unsuspecting population?" Lionel was whispering furiously at Jonathan.

"Oh, right. It's all Clark's fault. Not your little mutant boy and his hyperactive sperm."

"Oh, please. Just because your swimmers couldn't do the breaststroke if they were paid to and you had to get an alien kid, don't get uppity with me."

"Dads? Not that it's not nice to see that you both haven't lost your touch with the whole people skills thing, but can we finish opening the presents before you guys kill each other?"

The two men looked up from where they were both fondling fencing foils. Blocking the image from his mind, Lex sighed in relief as they put down the sharp objects and started back toward the large gifts on the other side of the room.

When the party had assembled around, with the exception of Toby who had wandered off, Jonathan proudly helped Clark unwrap the three hand-carved cradles. The workmanship was excellent, as it had been on the cradle that Lexine was currently upstairs sleeping in. Made of ash, all three had a K and an L intertwined in the decoration. A quilt lay in each cradle.

"Mom? Did you make these?" Clark asked, reaching into one of the cradles and pulling out the quilt.

"With some help from the church quilting bee, yes."

"They're gorgeous," Lana chimed in, touching the fabric gently.

Lionel started to frown as everyone admired the Kents' handiwork. Motioning to George, he cleared his throat.

"I thought that these would be useful," he said as George and one of the maids pushed in two prams. That they were expensive went without saying. Lex hoped he was the only one who knew exactly what his father had spent on the things. The four prams, together with the blankets, cost almost as much as the truck he had tried to give Clark so long ago.

"They're so cute," Chloe said, laughing softly, and Lex knew she knew how much they had cost. He gave her the evil eye, but she grinned at him and nodded slightly. Lex relaxed, assured she wasn't going to say anything.

"They're big, I'll say that for them," Whitney said, pushing one back and forth, looking like he wanted to kick the large wheels.

"Well, we have the van now," Clark replied, as Lex's head started to pound.

"Does anyone else want punch?" Lex asked, backing away from his guests and heading toward the punchbowl, mentally gauging the distance to the bottle of vodka behind on the bar. Which would probably have go in the babyproofing too.

Fatherhood was getting more complicated everyday.

Clark was slipping into his favorite sleeping muumuu, the electric blue with the pineapples that he had rescued from the fireplace, when Lex returned to the bedroom from the nursery and tucking Lexine in. "So, good party?" Lex asked as he started to change.

"Yeah, everyone was really great." Letting the muumuu fall, flaring out at his belly and falling far short of its usual length, Clark turned to Lex. "Lex, why is Toby here?"

"He wants me to buy him a Mustang."

Clark stared at him. "Buy him a Mustang?"

"Yeah."

"Are you?"

"Sure." Grinning, Lex pulled on a pair of black silk pajama bottoms. "There are some people who let me buy them cars without sleeping with me, you know."

Clark snorted and went to the door of the nursery to check on Lexine. When he returned, he pulled the duvet back and climbed into his side of the bed. "I didn't let you buy me a car after we slept together."

"No, you just use my... our, I mean, cars," Lex said as he settled in next to him.

"Do you feel like I'm using you?"

"I don't think the man who's having my babies need ask that, Clark."

"My dad was right."

"Your dad's always right, Clark. And takes great pains to make sure he's informed me of that. What was he right about this time?" Lex flicked the lights off, the only light in the room coming from the yellow rubber ducky night light in the bathroom and the moonlight shining through the sheers.

"Just the usual stuff about free milk." Clark hedged, sighing when Lex's hand slid over one muumuu covered nipple, gently stroking the milk sac beneath.

Leaning over, Lex kissed him, tongue sliding along his lower lip. "There's nothing free about this milk, Clark," he whispered, his hand sliding down to the mound of their babies. They both smiled as little feet kicked. When Lex pulled back, Clark curled around so his head was resting on Lex's shoulder, catching a glimpse into Lex's eyes, shining in the moonlight.

"How long is Toby going to stay?"

"Well, I thought, since he's getting a car out of it, that he could stay for a month or so, just in case. A doctor in the house may not be a bad idea..."

"Lex, Toby does knife wounds and bullet holes."

"He's actually a good doctor, Clark. Besides, you're giving birth at Smallville General, but just in case. He can handle anything, really."

"I'm sure he could. Lex, he offered that if I wanted to give birth in the pool, he'd make me a sedative bong out of a potato."

"A potato? Really?"

"Yes. I don't want the babies born stoned, Lex."

"There's plenty of time for that," Lex said under his breath.

"Lex..." Clark looked up to see the grin on Lex's face and relaxed.

Lex kissed his hair and snuggled in. "A potato? That's so 90's. An eggplant works much better."

"Lex, shut up."

"Yes, dear."