Expectations: A Muumuu in its natural habitat

The morning after your wedding should be one of those life-altering romantic moments.

You open your eyes, turn your head, and look into the eyes of your brand new husband. Stars and rockets explode, angels play their harps, and little bluebirds land on your window and sing. Then you and your beloved make love hard enough to break the headboard and loud enough to wake the neighbors.

Instead, Clark thought miserably, he had to pee and the triplets were bouncing and it felt like they were using his kidneys as a trampoline. He and Lex weren't allowed to have sex sex, although last night's finger exercises had been, as Martha Stewart would say, a good thing.

Returning to the bedroom, Clark looked through the wall to check on Lexine. Miraculously, the baby was still sleeping... and dry. He crawled back into the bed, trying not to shake it, and Lex, too much. Lex was mostly asleep too, but as Clark settled in, he moved, turning onto his side, curling around him. One leg slid over his, a hand splaying on his swollen abdomen. Clark turned his head toward Lex, green eyes meeting blue.

"Hey. We got married yesterday."

Lex smirked at him, rubbing his leg against Clark's. "Yes, we did."

Sunlight was shining in thorough one of the long windows over the bed, and Clark held up his hand to watch his wedding ring gleam. Lex twisted until he could put his left hand in Clark's and they admired the sight.

"Good. Then it wasn't just a dream."

"I hope not." Lex frowned. "Dreaming about Martha Stewart would be a little too gay." He rubbed Clark's belly, his ring body warm, smiling at the kicks on the other side of the smooth skin. "Even for us."

Clark snickered, rubbing his cheek against the soft cotton of the pillowcase. "What are we going to do today?"

Lex looked thoughtful for a moment. "How about we just relax? The resort owns a private beach just down the road. We'll take Lexine and go vegetate on the beach for the day. I'll have them send down some food at snack times and lunch."

He ran his fingers over Lex's shoulder and smiled. "Sounds good." He leered at Lex. "That means full-body sunscreen application," he added at Lex's raised eyebrow.

Anxious crying coming from the next room cut off Lex's reply. Clark started to roll over, but Lex's hand on his shoulder stopped him. With a little help, he shimmied until he was leaning against a mound of pillows against the headboard. Clark watched the smooth globes of Lex's ass before he pulled on his robe and disappeared into the other room.

Deciding super-powers had their perks, Clark looked through the wall to see Lex picking Lexine up, rocking her until she stopped crying, finally assured that one of her Daddas was here to take care of her. Lex quickly changed her, then swung her into his arms for the trip to her other dadda and moo-cow time.

Even though he was trying to sow his disappointed oats, Clark still snuck a quick peek through Lex's robe. As Lex came through the door, he decided that as soon as the kids were all weaned, he and Lex would come back here, alone. They could leave the grandparents to fight over the kids.

It'd be one battle Lionel might not win. Clark thought of his mother. It was definitely a battle Lionel wouldn't win.

Decision made, Clark reached out to accept his daughter from his husband, and putting her to his breast, started to nurse.

Clark sent Lex and Lexine to the breakfast table, sitting down in a straight-backed chair as Toby closed the door.

"You didn't tell him," Toby said, wrapping the blood pressure cuff around Clark's arm.

"Toby, it was just a twinge, not even worthy of being called false labor." Clark noticed that Toby's hair was... tame today. And smelled like mangoes. Clark held back his smirk as he thought about exactly who Toby had put conditioner in his hair for. "There was no reason to tell Lex, he'd just get upset."

Toby finished pumping the bulb and took the reading, recording it on his PDA. He put the thermometer into Clark's ear and took that reading. "All right. But you looked worse than Ozzy did the time he took that chile pepper colonic for a few minutes there."

Following Lex's lead of long ago, Clark ignored the flashback. "Thanks, Toby." They talked for a few more minutes about how Clark was feeling. No, he assured Toby, he had felt any more twinges. Toby searched his face when he answered, but apparently decided that Clark was telling him the truth. A few more questions from the list Dr. Marston had provided for Clark's daily check-ups, and they were done.

Clark watched him pack up his bag. "I mean it. Thanks for not telling Lex yesterday. It was the perfect day."

"Sure, man." Toby nodded, his conditioned hair flowing just a hint less stragglely than usual.

Everyone went their separate ways after breakfast. Clark and Lex returned to their cabana with Lexine for the sunscreen slathering. First, though, Clark tried to taste the coffee Lex had been drinking at breakfast by tonguing his husband's tonsils.

After getting a hint of the premium beans and a promise that Lex would buy him a whole plantation once the triplets were born, they stripped and started to rub sunscreen over each other. Clark smelled like a warm, milky, coconut when Lex finished. He didn't need the sunscreen, of course, but there was nothing like having his husband slather him with slick lu... lotion. Lex smelled so good after Clark finished rubbing the lotion from his head to his toes, he barely managed to stop himself from whimpering.

Promising himself yet again that they'd come back, and soon; Clark pulled on a muumuu as Lex pulled on a pair of swimming trunks and a t-shirt in pale lavender. When Lexine was sunscreened and stylishly dressed in a little pink sailor-style bathing suit and hat, they were ready to go.

Leaving their cabana, Clark holding onto Lexine in her carrier, Lex carrying the needed baby bags and towels, they crossed the courtyard. Lexine began to wail as they passed the path that led to the back gardens. Looking back, Clark and Lex saw their daughter's friend from last night, placidly chewing on the grass. They let her watch the goat for a few minutes, and when she was smiling again, they turned to leave.

And she started to wail again.

Clark looked at Lex, who looked a little on edge. No doubt thinking of his daughter dressed as her birth father once was, as a member of Future Farmers of America, wearing denim overalls and chewing on a blade of grass. Clark decided not to remind Lex that was one of his favorite things in their homemade porn collection.

Spying a hotel worker, Lex stepped away called him over, looking back to watch Lexine as she stared at the baby goat. Clark shifted the carrier as the babies kicked. Walking backwards so Lexine could still see the goat, Clark found a chair and sat down, sighing in relief. It wasn't pain, but a sense of exhaustion that came over him when the babies started to play hard. Most of the time they were calm, just a kick here and there that was sweet in its reassurance.

Lex was at his side, the employee heading in a different direction. As Lexine's eyes started to close, they both breathed a sigh of relief.

"Are you okay, Clark?"

"Your children are being frisky this morning."

"My children?"

"Yes. When they're bad, they're yours."

"And when they're good, they're yours?"

"Of course." Clark shrugged his mighty muumuu wearing shoulders. "Superman."

Lex smirked at him. "Fair enough." He rocked the carrier, but Lexine only murmured, her eyes didn't open. "Okay, I think we have a window here. Ready to go?"

Clark heaved himself out of his chair and they slowly headed toward the minivan, the flip-flops making their comforting snucker-clucking noise. He'd almost miss them when his feet could fit back in his boots. He had tried to get Lex to don a pair for their beach expedition, but Lex had insisted on a pair of leather clogs, instead. Then again, Lex had never been partial to rubber; he was definitely a leather man.

 Looking out the window as he strapped Lexine's carrier in, Clark smiled. Poor Lex was doing his ritualistic 'driving this domestic minivan does not make me any less of a man' thing. Clark promised himself when they came back alone, he'd make sure a Ferrari or Porsche was waiting for Lex. Not that he wasn't totally adorable, running his hand over his scalp, muttering to himself, fingers playing with his wedding ring.

"Lex, are we ready?" Clark called softly as he finished threading the seat belt.

"Just about," Lex replied, stowing the baby bag as he took out the map. He stepped into the van and helped Clark fasten his seat belt, a sweet kiss as he did so, the part of the ritual that Clark loved the most.

The drive to the beach wasn't more than five minutes, and Lex drove down the road and parked in a little lot. There were three square canopies, each with a dark green canvas roof and decorative woodwork on the posts. Roll-down flaps on each side could provide privacy or protection from the sun or wind. There was a high, long table across one of the sides. Lex carried Lexine down to the middle one while Clark grabbed the portable playpen. He set it up in between two soft chaise lounge chairs, taking the baby from Lex, who headed back up to the minivan to grab the rest of their gear. Clark was just settling into one of the chairs for a short rest when another van pulled up next to theirs.

Clark turned his attention back to Lexine, who seemed to be waking up as Lex returned with the baby bag. He pointed out a more sturdy structure just beyond the last canopy, telling Clark that was where the bathroom and showers were. Clark sighed an internal sigh of relief.

Two hotel employees were setting up some food, covered by little mesh covers, on the table, as well as covered containers of juice and two thermoses of coffee. Clark glared at the ubiquitous orange lid on one of the thermoses. Decaf. The minute the triplets were born, he was getting a cup of real coffee. As in the second the last triplet fell from his loins he better have a cup of the Talon's best dark roast in his hand. Or else.

A curious sound made Clark look back at the parking lot, and he grinned at Lex, who wouldn't meet his eyes as a third hotel employee carried the goat over to where they were sitting. On Lex's instruction, he nailed a stake into the ground just up the rise so the stake would hold. Then he unrolled a length of sod, half outside the canopy, half inside so Sparky could either go into the sun and sand, or stay in the shade. After making sure the goat's chain was secure, the man went back to the van, returning with a pan of goat food and a huge bowl of water.

Lex finally looked at Clark as the hotel van left. "Lexine likes it," he said truculently.

Clark stood up and pulled Lex into a kiss. "You're the best dadda ever."

Lex ran his hand over the rest of his brood, who as always, seemed to know his touch, and kicked. They broke the kiss and looked down as Lexine started to growl, but then her attention was drawn by the 'bahhing'. A smile spread over her face, and she crawled until she was nose to the netting of her playpen. Clark started to sniffle as she muttered baby talk at the goat.

The breeze was sweet with the scent of clear water and orchids as they settled in, getting cool drinks and laying their towels over the chairs.

"Ready to go play in the water?" Clark asked Lexine as he picked her up. She looked at him, then looked back at the goat, who was placidly chewing on some grass, and apparently decided she could be bothered with her fathers for a bit.

Lex pulled off his t-shirt and they headed out to the water. Clark walked in until he was deep enough that the water was just covering his belly and Lexine's little feet were dipping in. Lowering her until she was half in the water, he walked backwards, dragging her along.

"She's already kicking," Lex said approvingly.

"Such an advanced baby," Clark crooned as Lex nodded. "You're such a Kent." At Lex's loud snort, Clark laughed.

He and Lex took turns 'swimming' with Lexine, always watching each other. An hour or so later, while Lex headed back to the beach with Lexine, Clark slid deeper into the water, moving past the white sand to swim deeper, being careful not to let his belly scrape along the bottom. Surfacing, he saw Lex looking back for him, and with a few stroke strokes, was walking out of the water, the muumuu clinging to his skin.

 Lex had taken Lexine in for a shower, rinsing the salt water off, then drying her off and putting on a new swimmer. Clark came in as Lex was changing and watched appreciatively. There was a line outside the shower structure for drying suits quickly, and as Clark started to wash off, Lex took his muumuu to hang with the rest of their clothes.

Wearing dry clothes, the worst of the salt water off their skin, they settled back in at the canopy. While Clark adjusted the back of one of the lounges and started to nurse Lexine, Lex pulled the shades so Lexine's playpen was out of the direct sunlight. After a ladylike burp, Lexine settled in for her nap. Clark and Lex moved so they could share one of the chaise lounges. Clark was soon falling asleep, the babies kicking in a random cadence as he turned on his side. Lex curled behind him and started to rub his lower back, kissing the back of his neck when Clark purred.

When Clark woke, Lex was up at the parking area, taking a large basket from the hotel van. Seeing that Lex was in view of the canopy, and therefore Lexine, Clark rushed over to the bathroom, his muumuu flapping in the breeze, getting there just in time.

When he returned, Lex had set the hamper up on the table and gave him a plate. Clark knew Lex had long since decided to stop trying to figure out what he was craving at any given moment. At home, he'd just tell cook to wing it, and usually she managed to come up with something that Lex could stomach Clark eating in front of him with only a few more weekly visits to a psychotherapist.

Clark sat down and put his plate on the table by the side of his chair. He started in on the poi, scooping it up with two fingers.

He looked at Lex, who was eating a sandwich.

"Martha Stewart was right," he told Lex, licking the purple poi off his fingers. "Two fingers straight down the middle is the best way." Lex gave him a look and Clark scooped up another bit of poi and offered his hand to Lex. With a sloe-eyed glance, Lex began licking the poi off Clark's fingers, until the digits were clean, making sure by sucking his long fingers all the way in, his tongue teasing and fondling.

Clark whimpered.

Their second dip in the ocean came later that afternoon. They slipped into their wind-dried swimming gear, dressed Lexine back up, and went out to the water. Clark was up to his chest in the water, the current pulling at him, but not able to move him as he was buffeted about. It was a curious feeling, upright, but not using his own strength to stay up. It was the most balanced he'd been since the triplets had started to show. It was nice.

Clark watched as Lex swam with Lexine, the baby giggling as he pulled her to him, then pushed her away, never letting go. Lex was already, despite the sunblock, freckling up. His speckled skin looking so touchable, smooth and warm over the muscles in his arms and chest. Clark dove and swam a bit, resurfacing a ways down from were Lex and Lexine still stood.

"Clark?" Clark looked over at where his husband and daughter were. "We're getting out, someone's getting pruney," Lex said, holding up a tiny, wrinkled hand. Lexine muttered something and Lex pulled her hand to his mouth and blew into it. Both fathers grinned as the baby laughed.

Clark turned around as something brushed by his leg. Looking down into the clear water he saw a large, gray shape slide by. He looked up to make sure Lex and Lexine were out of the water. Lex had just reached the beach when something tried to yank him down. He heard Lex yell, heard splashing coming from the beach.

Looking down, Clark saw a tiger shark, probably about twelve feet long, its long gray body with the darker gray stripes. It had its huge jaws around his knee, but couldn't penetrate his skin.

"Clark?" Lex shouted again.

"I'm okay," Clark leaned down and picked the shark up, balancing it easily despite his condition. He looked around the beach. Lexine was looking at him with great interest, while Lex's expression was a mix of resignation and concern. Clark had a flashback of the first time Lex had seen him pick up the tractor and lift it over his head. It had been one of those moments that a blush and a smile couldn't stop the suspicion that he was something more than a Kansas farm boy. "I'm just going to take it out to sea," he called to Lex, who nodded.

Pushing down into the wet sand beneath him, Clark lifted up into the air, the muumuu wetly flapping against his legs, the shark held over his head. He looked down to see Lex looking up at him again, waving Lexine's little hand.

Clark could hear what Lex was telling their daughter. "If you eat your vegetables, someday you'll be able to lift a killer shark over your head, just like your Dadda."

Balancing the shark in one hand, he waved back at her, then turned and flew out to sea. A few minutes later he was over another lagoon in an area that looked deserted. He flew downwards and let the shark go. It tried to snap at him, but Clark flew upwards, easily avoiding the rows of sharp teeth.

Returning to the beach, he found Lex and the baby in the same place. He flew over them, then came down, his now dry muumuu floating about him.

"Are you okay?" Lex asked, his eyes narrowed in concern.

"Yeah, it just tried a nibble." Lex gave him the 'I don't really believe you' look as he handed Lexine over. Lexine seemed to be looking him over too. "I'm fine, really."

Lex shook his head. "All right. Come on, let's wash up. Your mom called from the hotel, they're coming down here to join us." He looked a little glum. "All of them."

Clark held back a sigh. "It'll be nice, Lex. We haven't seen them since breakfast."

Lex cheered up slightly. "You're really adorable when you're being sarcastic, you know that?"

Clark gave him his best sincere look. "Me? Sarcastic?"

Lex chuckled. "Come on, they'll be here soon enough." They were halfway to the shower when Lex turned to Clark. "And you might want to reconsider flying in a muumuu." He ran a hand over Clark's ass, sliding his thumb over the cleft. "At least until you can wear underwear again."

Clark could feel his face flushing, and hid it the best way he knew, carefully leaning into Lex for a kiss.

They were watching the sunset.

Clark was sitting on one of the chaises, while Lex sat on a towel on the sand talking to Lexine, who was imprisoned in the playpen, but willing to accept the sentence with a goat on one side and her daddas on the other. Lionel and Jonathan appeared to be dueling with pieces of driftwood. The two Marthas were discussing proper pie crust pinching. Toby was watching Martha Stewart in a completely unsubtle fashion. Pete and Whitney were tossing a frisbee down on the beach, ducking when shards of driftwood would crack off Lionel or Jonathan's makeshift sabres. Lana and Chloe were relaxing in the warm water, picking little shells out of the sand every once in awhile.

"If someone would have described this to me ten years ago, I probably would have told them to get into rehab," Lex said. He looked up at Clark. "What are you thinking?"

Clark grinned and adjusted his hold on Lexine. "Bad poetry. Stuff about the setting sun on your alabaster skin making you look fragile and dewy."

Lex looked horrified. "Clark..."

"Sorry. I think it may be an alien reaction to Martha Stewart. There's also a stray urge to iron and refold all my laundry in alphabetical order and maybe make a Christmas tree out of pipe cleaners."

When Clark looked down, Lex was banging his head against the soft side of the playpen. With a showy bit of strength, Clark picked him up and hugged him, Lexine murmuring a question in their direction.

"It's okay, baby," Lex told her. "Dadda's just trying to traumatize dadda again."

Clark snickered, his face still buried in Lex's neck. "You Metropolis business sharks are more fun than the Hawaiian variety."

Lex considered this. "Remind me never to let you pick my dad up."

Clark shuddered. "I'll draw my line in the sand just short of that one, okay?" He kissed Lex's neck in apology for the pun, knowing he had been forgiven when Lex kissed his forehead.

Pete and Whitney joined them, sitting side by side on the other chaise, apparently getting out of the way of the rapidly splintering driftwood.

Pete picked Lexine up, grinning at her as she smiled at him before reaching over to pull his nose. While they all laughed, Pete, uncle to five, captured her tiny hand in a one handed game of patty cake patty cake.

Whitney looked over to where Jonathan and Lionel's duel seemed to have deteriorated into throwing pieces of driftwood at each other. "Maybe we should stop them?" He asked, looking at Clark and Lex.

They exchanged a glance. Lex shook his head. "Nah. Let them get it out of their systems. Besides, Martha Stewart must know first aid, right?"

"Probably makes her own bandages and scalpels," Pete said with a snicker.

Whitney nodded. "She cornered Lana when we got back to the resort. Did you guys know she's now planning on doing a 'Gay Weddings' coffee table book?"

Clark sniggered. "Poi tips and everything, I'm sure."

They all laughed. Clark turned to see Lex looking out at his father's companion with an unholy gleam in his eyes. "Lex?"

His husband's grin was worthy of Clark's new father-in-law. "Just trying to imagine the cover illustration for "Martha Stewart's Fisting," he said.

Pete blushed while Whitney shook with laughter.

"Lex!" Clark yelped reprovingly.

"What?" Lex looked at his husband, adopting his best innocent expression. "There's apparently already a porno issue..."