Expectations: Nesting In Earnest

Monday's breakfast was eaten quickly, everyone wanting to get in as much vacation as they could before heading back to Kansas on Tuesday morning. Lionel and Martha Stewart, however, were leaving today, for it seemed that Martha Stewart had to attend a white sale, or maybe it had been a ritual sacrifice, at a K-Mart.

The Fordmans, along with Chloe and Pete, left after grabbing coffee to go. The Kents, hearing about the waterfalls on the other side of the island, left soon after. Martha Stewart disappeared, wanting to get in one last interrogation of the kitchen staff before she and Lionel left. Lexine was still fretting, so Clark and Toby took her back to their cabana for a check up, Toby assuring Lex that she probably just had some water in her ears.

Alone with his father for the first time since the LuthorCorp lawyers' pre-nup went up in smoke, Lex wondered how long it would be for the history lesson to begin. Looking back across the table, Lionel grinned at him, sipping his coffee.

"Where did you meet her?"

Lionel gave him a blank look. "Who?"

"Martha Stewart? The woman you brought to my wedding?"

"Oh, yes. Martha Stewart. Investor function at a K-Mart in Sheboygan, just before LuthorCorp bought K-Mart. She was color coordinating hand towels in attractive designs in the company's trademark colors. She has a lovely line of towels in the company colors."

Lex stared at him. "You're dating a woman you met in a K-Mart because she has purple and black towels?"

"She's a grand businesswoman, Lex. Has the sense of some of the greats."

"Like Atilla and Genghis?"

Lionel continued as if he hadn't heard Lex. "Besides, they're wonderful towels. Made cheaply, but in the USA. Prison labor. She got the idea when she went to Club Fed for a nickel. They're very absorbent and fluffy, even after multiple washings."

"The prisoners?"

"According to Martha Stewart, the secret is vinegar in the wash water." Lex stared at his father and wondered, not for the first time in his life, when the infomercial would end. "Besides, she's a millionaire, even after SEC fines." Lionel poured himself more coffee. "And Lex, the sword collection has never shined this brightly before."

Lex looked thoughtful. "I wouldn't want to be a Nubian when she's polishing the Damascus."

Lionel laughed sharply. "Be nice, Lex."

"You don't particularly seem to care about her."

His father sat up a little straighter. "That's none of your business, Lex."

Lex shook his head, but the expression on his father's face made him uneasy. "What?"

"Who would have thought I could have raised such a romantic?" Lionel looked over Lex's shoulder in the direction that Clark and Lexine and gone.

"You didn't raise me. That was the one thing you were willing to delegate."

Lionel ignored him, his smirk still firmly in place. "My son, Lex Luthor. Falling so hard for his alien Kansas farm boy."

Lex leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms. After a satisfying crack, he reached for his coffee again. "I don't know. I have four children who are genetically superior and generations ahead of the entire human race. I sleep with the most powerful, and sexy, being on the planet. Who is now tied to me as tightly as the law will allow." He finished his coffee and put the cup back on the glass table. "And who is now unable to testify against me in a court of law," he added, standing up. "Have a good flight, Dad."

Feeling infinitely more cheerful, Lex whistled tunelessly as he strolled back to the cabana where his family was waiting.

Tuesday morning the wedding party boarded the LuthorCorp jet and began their journey back to Kansas. Monday had gone by too quickly. Lex and Clark had spent some time playing tourist, once Lexine was feeling her old cheerful self again. Clark now had a huge supply of touristy t-shirts, much to Lex's horror. He had bought a few tiny shirts for Lexine, but had retreated from Lex's scowl at the suggestion that his husband might enjoy a pink t-shirt with 'Hawaii' spelled out in flowers. He had also bought a few dozen t-shirts in frightening color combinations sized for newborns, telling Lex that technically the triplets were on vacation too. Lex's response that when the kids were fifteen that wasn't going to impress them at all had earned him a frown.

Lex's original regret at not marrying Clark earlier in the pregnancy had been assuaged by the sight of his husband, standing in the shop, a sea of muumuus around him. The t-shirts were bad enough, but the prospect of turning Clark loose in a shop filled with pineapple and hula dancing girl covered muumuus was enough to make Lex cringe, even as Clark slipped a few muumuus into the pile of t-shirts.

His husband was lucky Lex loved him and was willing to concede male pregnancy entitled Clark to a few perks. It was that kind of benevolence, though, that ensured Clark was wearing one of those teal green hula-girl muumuus as they boarded the flight. But Jonathan's traumatized double take at the sight had softened the blow a bit, Lex decided as he helped Clark fasten his lapbelt.

The scent of orchids covered the faint odor of jet fuel as the plane lifted off. The resort had provided them all with fresh leis to remind them of their visit. Martha Stewart had taken the special leis they had worn for the wedding with her, telling them she would have her people preserve them using the proper technique. Clark had forcibly pulled Lex out of the room before he could ask how many fingers that technique required.

Lexine was in her portable playpen, chewing on the horns of the little stuffed goat they had bought for her yesterday. Clark was reading from his worn copy of Dr. Spock, chewing his lip and petting his muumuu-covered belly every so often. Jonathan was reading from a stack of 'Organic Growers Daily' newsletters he had brought with him, occasionally taking notes. Martha was looking through the pile of Martha Stewart books that Martha Stewart had given to her, snickering occasionally.

On the other side of the plane, Toby was hooked into his CD player and was stringing beads onto woven strands of hemp, making the keychains he sold at 'Free Hemp' rallies, silently singing along with the White Album. Chloe and Pete were working on files they had brought with them, while Whitney was working on a playbook for next Sunday's big game. Lana was also reading Martha Stewart books; Lex could see Whitney was nervously noting she was taking notes.

Lex was replying to his email, studiously ignoring the twenty kilobyte file from his father with the subject 'Raising Emperors in the Modern Era'. Even if he was mildly curious what kind of linens Martha Stewart would recommend bringing along for a prolonged campaign of world domination.

They left Hawaii at ten am local time, and accounting for travel time and time zones, were scheduled to reach Metropolis just after one in the morning on Thursday.

At six p.m. Kansas time, Ginny served dinner at the large meeting table in the center of the plane. After the trays had been cleared away and everyone had a drink, they settled in for a cut-throat game of Trivial Pursuit. They had drawn partners, and the unlikely duo of Lex and Jonathan had managed to beat everyone else soundly. Lex deduced from Clark's beaming face that his husband thought it was nice they could be just as competitive playing together.

At ten p.m. Kansas time, the party broke up and everyone returned to their seats, stretching out with pillows and blankets. The lights were dimmed and one by one the spot lights over the seats were being turned off as everyone tried to get back on a regular schedule.

Lex was returning from the bathroom with Lexine when Ginny pulled him aside. Clark came up to them and took Lexine, who was already falling asleep, the tip of her thumb in her mouth. He watched his husband and daughter for a moment, then returned his attention to Ginny.

"Sir, what should we do about..." she waved her hands in the air, then pointed to the back of the plane.

"Sparky? Just put a blanket over it and turn off the lights," he said with a shrug, looking back at the open topped pen currently housing his daughter's friend.

Ginny gave him a look, but she was a dyed in the wool LuthorCorp employee and knew when to follow orders, even those regarding livestock traveling by private plane. She returned to the back of the plane and Lex watched as she covered the little goat with a purple and black blanket.

The orchids had been good at covering up that scent too.

Thursday morning came much too early for Lex, considering they had lost Wednesday somewhere over California. The flight had been calm, the only crisis coming when Ginny discovered that Sparky had found the LuthorCorp blanket delicious, chewing half of it to rags. Lex would have to ask his father to have Martha Stewart recommend the proper technique for goat-proofing blankets.

They arrived at the castle just after two am. While Lexine had been asleep and didn't notice that Sparky didn't come back to the castle with them, she woke just after they got home and proceeded to fuss. She hadn't fallen back to sleep until after three, her little eyes closing against the sight of the muumuu hula girls twitching on Clark's belly. The little goat would stay in Clark's former fortress of solitude, a situation which pleased her grandparents, who knew a trump card when they saw it, and Sparky, who would no doubt prefer foods not in the blanket food group.

While Lex and Clark had traveled almost every other week before Lexine, these days, the trip to Metropolis was a long distance for them. So when he woke later than usual, Lex didn't worry about it too much, until he realized Clark wasn't in the bed.

Making his way to the nursery, he found Lexine missing as well. Following what sounded like the television, to the sitting room of their suite, Lex found his husband and daughter. Clark was sitting on the love seat, Lexine in his arms, watching what appeared to be the cable station Lifetime.

"Clark?"

Clark snuffled a bit, but turned to look at Lex. "Sorry, I didn't want to wake you."

"What are you watching?"

"I don't know." Clark waited until the commercials had started to answer. "There's this girl. She's in love with this guy, but he's in love with her sister. But her sister's in love with another guy, who may be his twin brother."

Lex blinked.

"I think," Clark added as he rocked Lexine.

Lex sat down next to Clark, whose attention was immediately focused on the story again as the commercials ended. A little more awake, Lex went over to the desk and called down for some food to be brought up. As he went past the nursery again, he noticed that the baby gear they had been storing in one of the unused bedrooms down the hall had been brought in.

"Clark?" Lex asked as the next commercial break started.

"Hmmm?"

"Did you put the baby stuff in the nursery?"

Clark turned his attention away from a woman who was suffering embarrassing personal itching, and looked at Lex. "Yeah. We need to have it all together."

Lex mentally checked the pre-birth box marked 'nesting in earnest'.

Brunch arrived a few minutes later. While they ate Lex checked his computer and Clark finished watching the movie. When it was done, he looked over at Lex, who was coming back from putting Lexine down for another nap. "I want to watch the vid of Lexine's birth."

"Clark... do you really think that's a good idea?" Lex asked cautiously.

Clark nodded as he sipped his juice. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am."

Lex looked at him again, but went over to the locked cabinet that held and hid their personal video collection. He keyed in the code and opened the safe inside. "Sure you wouldn't rather watch this one? Valentine's Day, 2010?" Lex waved the disc temptingly. "Strawberry syrup. Chocolate sauce? Clotted Cream?"

"Lex."

Lex pulled another disc out. "Or this one. Christmas, year before last. Remember? Breakfast in bed. Big floppy bow around Mr. Happy? Unwrapping each other under the tree, then having to hide the camera and the underwear in the branches of the Christmas tree downstairs when our parents came over early?"

"Lex, I know how weird this sounds, but I'm not interested in watching the homemade porn today."

Lex frowned at his husband. "It doesn't sound weird; it sounds disturbingly un-American."

"Lex."

"I just don't know that it's a good idea, now." He looked pointedly at Clark's belly, but Clark just rubbed a hand over the mound, looking frighteningly calm.

"Lex, I have a penis and I'm pregnant. We're about a mile away from 'good idea'. I want to see it." He gave Lex his most determined look.

Lex sighed. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet, he told himself as he took the disc out and went over to the player. Putting it in, he watched Clark from under his eyelashes. This wasn't going to be a good thing.

The video started out with Clark and Lex in the ambulance. They were halfway to Metropolis General, the EMTs telling Clark to breathe. Lex was still sure it was the condition of the roads and the crazed driving of the ambulance that made the camera shake.

Clark hit the fast forward button on the remote and they sped down the hall, finally slowing down in a bright room, white, unlike Smallville General, which preferred to decorate in vivid shades of green and purple. People were milling around the room, there were plenty of shots of headless people in surgical scrubs. Dr. Marston's voice was heard telling Clark to put his legs up in the stir-ups.

Lex would be the first to admit in the years he and Clark had been together that there was pretty much no kink left untried between them. But stir-ups would never, ever be in the running again.

The camera focused back on Clark, on his back, his body positioned in a frighteningly uncomfortably looking way. He was naked from the waist down, the mound that was Lexine, which was, considering his current condition, looking downright petite, rising up from behind the curtain. The less said about Mr. Happy's position and attitude in all of this, the better. Lex had never seen a cock looking so lost and frightened, especially when a nurse had approached it with medical tape and the idea of moving it out of the way. Then Dr. Marston was in the way. A few seconds, then Marston called over his shoulder, "Nine centimeters."

The Clark in the stir-ups moaned as the Clark on the sofa watched carefully.

Clark in the stir-ups began to yell as Marston told him to breathe, then to push. The camera was watching his face, sweaty and red, as he began to push. Lex had panned down Clark's body finally coming to rest between his legs, the little hole that wasn't as little as it was supposed to be.

Lex had been good with the camera, almost clinical, in a 'I'll have my breakdown later' kind of way, looking up at Clark, looking back down, until the top of Lexine's head had emerged.

Then he had gone down like a sack of bricks, the camera jerking around on to Lex as one of the orderlies pushed him into a wheelchair, then abandoned him as Clark began to yell again.

Now, over a year later, Clark pregnant with three babies at once, Lex headed straight for the bathroom. The nausea wasn't there, he had watched the vid until he had burned that reaction out, but he ran cold water into his cupped hands and rinsed his face off.

He could hear screams coming from the television in the sitting room, Clark yelling for Lex to wake up, then yelling for him to remain unconscious if he knew what was good for him.

Lex stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, growing older by the second, until he heard the long ago, television-tinny, but still unmistakably strong cry of his daughter. He had come out of his faint for that, the little lungs full of air and screaming indignantly. The afterbirth was delivered with a wet sloppy sound. She had a shock of red curls, and her little mouth had pursed in annoyance as the doctors worked on her.

Lex was in the sitting room without realizing he had left the bathroom, standing behind Clark.

"Isn't she the most perfect thing in the world?" Clark asked him, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"Absolutely," Lex replied truthfully.

The video continued with Clark being handed his daughter while Marston said shockily, "The hole just shrunk..."

They had been moved a few minutes later to a private room, where Lex put the camera on the rolling table, and at Clark's insistence, had joined his lover and his child in the bed.

The reason the video was under lock and key became apparent as both parents started to cry as little tiny fists waved in the air. Well, Clark had been a watering can; Lex had been more of a befuddled mess.

Clark on the sofa was snuffling along with his video counterpart, but Lex's mind was still running to the whole 'three babies' part of the current equation. He looked up as Clark put down the remote and went into the nursery. He returned with Lexine, who looked annoyed at having a perfectly good nap ruined by her dadda's need to schlep her around.

Sighing, Lex cuddled Clark, stroking his hair, kissing down cheekbones, then soft lips when Clark turned into him. He had to go into the office, but it could wait just a little bit longer.

Lex strode down the hallway, trying to organize his thoughts. He had one quick run through with the plant managers to take care of. Clark had been busy enough, the staff helping him to organize the nursery. Travis had looked particularly dignified as he carried around a huge stuffed bear. After the first two cribs, Lex had stopped pleading with Clark to stop picking up the furniture. Clark was nesting and there was nothing that could stop him, even Lex's worries about him picking the furniture up one handed.

Stopping at Toby's door, he knocked and entered the room as Toby was closing a small chest. Deciding not to ask if that was where Toby was keeping his stash these days, Lex ignored it and leaned against the door.

"I think the babies might be coming soon."

Toby nodded his head, apparently he hadn't had time for conditioner today. "Yeah. I called Marston when we got back and told him to come down here by tomorrow at the latest."

Lex straightened up. "Tomorrow? That soon?"

"He had some false labor pains while we were in Hawaii," Toby said placidly, ignoring Lex's irate glare. "He said he was okay, but I'd say by Monday."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"More scared of the pregnant, superstrong alien than of you right now, man. Wasn't going to tell him he couldn't marry his boyfriend."

Lex ran his hand over his scalp, rubbing at his temples. Mentally, he was running down the list of people who would be pissed at him if he had Toby killed. "I have to go to the plant for about an hour. Check on Clark, will you?"

"Sure," Toby said, nodding.

"False labor." Lex shook his head, but he needed to get the plant report out of the way first, so he headed down the garages, instead of upstairs to yell at his husband.

Lex waited until he was in the car and out of the drive before he pressed the button that activated the hands free car phone. He pressed the second number on the steering wheel and it started to dial.

"Kent Farm," Martha's voice filled the car through the hi-definition speakers.

"It's Lex. Are the Nielsons still there?"

"Hello to you too," Martha replied instead, amusement plain in her voice.

"Sorry. But are they?"

"Yes. Jonathan and I slept in this morning. They said they figured we would and took care of the chores. They're just coming in for coffee now."

"Good. Ask them if they'd be willing to work for another week or so."

"Lex?" There was more than a hint of concern in Martha's voice.

"The triplets should be coming in the next few days, if Clark and Toby are right. I think he'll want you around." Lex could feel the grandmother radar shifting into high gear.

"Just a second." Lex could hear her talking to someone, even with her hand over the mouthpiece.

"They're willing to stay. Do you want us to come to the castle tonight?"

Lex thought for a moment. "No, I'll call when we're ready. I don't want to crowd him." He shuddered at the thought of nesting Clark, Ubergrandma, and pissed off grandpa all in the same castle. Not to mention if his father thought the birth was this close and the Kents had moved in, he wouldn't put it past Lionel to move in himself. With or without Martha Stewart.

One father and one Martha were his limit, he decided.

"All right," Martha said reluctantly.

"I'll talk to you later," Lex told her as he pulled up to the main gate of the plant. The guard, seeing who was behind the wheel of the Ferrari, opened the gate immediately.

"The minute anything happens, Lex."

"Absolutely." He disconnected the call as he pulled into his parking space.

Dinner would be ready in ten minutes, Clark was upstairs feeding Lexine, and Lex was sitting in the former war room with a brandy. There were no in-laws, fathers, or Martha Stewarts in the castle. Life was good. When his cell rang, Lex put the snifter down and picked up the phone.

"Lex Luthor."

"What the hell do you think you're up to?" While the question was angry, the voice on the other end was mild.

"Hey, Bruce."

"Lex. What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bruce Wayne's deep voice reiterated.

"Beg pardon?" Lex picked up his snifter, hiding a grin in the antique crystal and amber brandy.

"Why is Dick in Metropolis?"

"He's taken a leave of absence and agreed to fill in for Clark."

"Lex."

"What?"

"Why did you ask Dick?"

"Because he's the most normal of all of you. And Aquaman won't work in Kansas."

"That's not funny."

"It's the middle of the continent thing. I couldn't change his mind. He's coastal."

"Damn it, Lex." Ahhh... a bit of temper.

"It's just for a few months. You can come and see him, you know. He's at the penthouse, no one will disturb you."

"Lex."

"Come on, Bruce. I was in a jam. You know what's been going on here."

Bruce Wayne snorted. "Yes, amazingly enough, that Superman is on maternity leave managed to filter down the grapevine."

"Of course it did." Lex rolled his eyes. They loved their gossip, the superhero types. Lex knew he should feel a little guilty for asking Dick to move a thousand miles away from Bruce, even temporarily, but he had Clark to think of. Besides, absence had obviously made the Bat's heart grow fonder for his Nightwing. "I didn't have another choice, Bruce. He needed to stop patrolling. He was getting tangled in trees when he rescued kittens. Not exactly a deterrent to crime, that."

He heard a sigh on the other end and knew he had won. Of all of them, Bruce was big into the whole sacrifice for duty thing. "Fine. Just don't do it again."

"Don't worry, we're not planning on having any more kids."

"I would hope not." Bruce was in moving into full tilt stodgy, Lex could tell.

"I have to run, Bruce. Listen; come out, see Dick, visit us out here in the sticks."

"I'll think about it," was the grudging reply.

"Great, talk to you later." Lex hit the disconnect, then quickly hit the number to the penthouse. He needed to warn Dick that Bruce was looking for him. He heard the phone click on the other end. "Dick, it's Lex, I …"

"Hello, Lex." The voice was still mild, but definitely amused.

"You're a freak, you know that, don't you, Bruce?"

"It's been mentioned, once or twice."

A sound in the background like the very expensive leather sofa in his study being abused. Lex held the phone closer. Yes, that was the sound of rubberized PVC on leather. He sighed, remembering the days of sex on that sofa. At this point, the memories were faint, but they were still there.

Lex sighed. "Have fun. Don't be too hard on..." Lex broke off as the dial tone of a disconnected call buzzed from his phone. He hoped Bruce would at least take the ears off before he punctured the leather...

"Lex, are you ready for dinner?" He looked up to see Clark standing in the doorway, a smile on his face, his purple hula-girl muumuu fluttering around his feet. The now sand-free flip-flops snucker-clucked as he came into the room.

Shaking his head, he thought about the pair back in Metropolis.

Superheroes.

Who knew they'd be all be gayer than that English boarding school he had first met Bruce at? Getting up, Lex joined his husband and went down to the dining room for dinner.